"Pictures came and broke your heart, put the blame on VTR"

MTV Day 1
(Repeats 4 times throughout the day: 9:00am, 3:00pm, 3:00am, 6:00am, VH1 Classic)

Leave it to MTV to come up with a great idea and over the course of 25 years fuck it up to total hell. They mutated a 24-hour music video channel into a network full of crappy reality shows with blindingly fast cuts and useless moving graphics that grab your attention like a child's, but underneath all that glitz still remains a turd. So anyways MTV comes up with this awesome idea -- let's rebroadcast the first day of MTV. (On VH1.) I fucking TEACH MYSELF HOW TO SET UP THE TIMER ON MY DVD RECORDER TO RECORD THIS. (C'mon, who the hell needs a timer recording when they have Tivo with the Home Media Option -- just xfer it over to your hard drive and burn to dvd? So much easier.) Anyways, I set the timer, then rush to the TV at midnight like a little kid waiting for Santa to see some cool space shuttle footage countdown and a long-ass MTV astronaut promo and I'm thinking "This is the shit! This is the killer buzz!" Then they go right into the Buggles "Video Killed the Radio Star." This is fucking fantastic.




Then the video ends.

And on the screen comes some fucking dumbass blonde modern VH1 hostess on a screen cluttered with more of those jumping and hopping animated graphics... fucking talking about how the second MTV video ever shown was a Pat Benatar video... and THEN NEVER SHOWING IT. Just show me the fucking videos! I still have an attention span, don't show me shit popping around on the screen, just show me my MTV.

Yes, this whole six-hour block is just another best of, another "Top 100," something easily digestible for retards with short attention spans. I thought I was getting six hours of the first day of MTV, with the original VJ's and the "Music News" segments and station ID's and all that goodness but instead I don't even get a rock, I get a turd. A turd filled with corn that stinks. I'm still recording the fucking program, but I'm cramming it all onto one six-hour DVD-R. One hour into the program (it's on in the background) and I'm surprised the blonde bimbo with the mid-2000 skunk hair stripes hasn't even mentioned J.J. Jackson was dead. I envision her feigned dismay while a VH1 Classic logo sits in the lower right corner, an MTV Day 1 logo sits in the upper left, sad dead guy music plays in the background while CGI angels and flowers pop up all over the screen followed by an animated "Coming Up Next" banner.

The early days of MTV you'd get obscure videos. You'd get station promos that were like little movies. You'd get to hear the whole MTV song and see that astronaut with the fucking flag flashing on screen for like a whole minute. No one would even buy ads so sometimes they would just cut to random shit like bulls running in the street for 15 minutes. You'd see videos uncut, you'd see their little stories with the dialogue before the music started. It had an exciting yet manageable pace. It was watchable. I want my MTV. But now all I get are Blipverts.

Related Links:
MTV Turns 25: What A Drag It Is Getting Old
Original VJs to Commemorate 25th Anniversary of MTV on SIRIUS Satellite Radio

Save this turd:
Record to Tivo (Yahoo! TV)